Food for the Soul and Mind
This issue: The Naked Card
Sizza Delivery, Star Date 2020
Operator: Thank you for calling Sizza Hunt. May I have your...
Customer: Hi, I'd like to order...
Operator: May I have your NIDN first, sir?
Customer: My National ID Number? Yeah, hold on, er...
Operator: Thank you, Mr. Billygate. I see you live at 13531
Midland Drive, phone number's 001-223-7896, office number
over at Best Insurance Inc. is 222-3894-123 and
cell phone is 6783-20198. You are now calling from home.
Customer: Huh? Where d'ya get all this information?
Operator: We're wired into the system, sir.
Customer: (Sighs)--Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your
All-beef Special Sizza.
Operator: I don't think that's a good idea for you, sir.
Customer: Whaddya mean?
Operator: Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got
high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. And your
National Health Service provider does not allow such an
Customer: Shi#*%... What do you recommend, then?
Operator: Try our low-fat Soybean tofu Sizza, you'll love it.
Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?
Operator: Well, you checked out "Gourmet Soybean Recipes"
from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the
Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones,
and what's the damage?
Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four
kids, sir. The "damage" as you put it, comes to $69.99
Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.
Operator: I'm sorry sir, I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit.
Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your
delivery van gets here.
Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's
Customer: Never mind. Just send the sizzas. I'll have the cash
ready, how long will it take?
Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up
while you're out getting the cash, but carrying sizzas on your
motorcycle can be a little awkward.
Customer: How do you know I'm riding a bike?
Operator: My screen info says here that you're in arrears on
your car payments and got repo'ed. But your "Harley's" paid up,
I assumed that you'd be using it.
Operator: Please be reminded to watch your language, sir.
You've already got a Jan 2019 conviction for cussing out a cop.
Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?
Customer: No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don't forget the two free
liters of Fizz's your ad says I get with the sizzas.
Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause
does not allow us to offer free soda to diabetics.
The above article "a variant" of the original copyright version,
"The Naked Card" by; Terrence Victor Smith, whose articles is
at TV Smith's Dua Sen website:
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